By Anthony Muchoki:
Yes. God hears the voice of a woman more than a man’s. After all, women are
mothers. Secondly, the sins that are committed by men in terms of magnitude,
they reduce women’s sins into nothing.
A man will go to church, even a priest – look up in the skies and say father
forgive me. But the fellow had been sleeping around with a mistress up to
Sunday morning, and he is dying for the mass to end, so that he can go back
to his bongowood queen.
I know a priest who failed to turn up for the mass, simply because of a
woman. I was barely 20. The holy man had given me a lift and we met the
newly crowned beauty queen of five villages.
The man of God was beside himself, blessing the lady for having been blessed
with so very beautiful soul and body with eyes that could see God.
“I would like to go and pray for you. Also give you a token as you belong to
my church and you are a sure winner,” my priest told her.
The lady of the rose, giggling told the priest to pray for her some other
times.
“And your gift can wait… I got a long way to walk up to the municipal
centre…. That is about 50 kilometres— unless, you are willing to drive me
there, here and now,” the lady of rose said chuckling.
The priest told me to get out of the car. “Walk to the church and inform the
catechist that I will be late. I have just received an important telegram.
My boy, I will explain later,” the man of collar said.
The beauty queen got into the Vitara. I alighted to walk the rest of the
journey to church, where I was an altar boy.
The priest never came to church that Sunday. Two days later I met the
village queen. We had a chat.
“What happened that day,” I asked. She pulled me to a nearby bush, kissed me
and told me never to tell anyone about her ‘priestly’ relationship.
“The poor man of God has promised to buy me a car and a house, open a
wholesale shop for me at the municipal centre, so long as I am willing to
let him spend some 30 minutes every month in my arms.”
Stunned into silence, she continued while kissing my cheeks, holding me here
and there. I could see many stars as my body exploded into a million
pleasurable twinges, that I had never felt before.
“Keep my secret. In return you will be always welcome in my new house. Day
and night. My car will be your car, my business will be your business, my
body will be your body, my crown will be your crown… only when the priest is
around will you have to sleep in the spare bedroom… all the other times,
well…. What I am giving you right now is child’s play. Boy, I will take you
to heaven.”
True, I thought I was going to die. I ran home, locked myself inside a room
and cried. What was I going to do? The sin was too sweet to leave.
When my mama saw me later on she joked that I looked as if a tractor had run
over my face. “I can see it in your face. You have started playing games
with a girl. You cannot hide anything from me. I will kill both of you after
I catch you red-handed,” she said. You know, mothers are like God, you
cannot hide anything from them, they will perceive it.
Next Sunday, I went to the church. The Holy Father was there. I went to his
office like the other ‘patients’ ready to confess my sins. I told him of my
encounter with the village queen. He blessed my head with oil and said:
“Son. It is ok. Do it for her. Not all sins are sins. If you want more
blessing in your life, you can even agree to live with her. She is so
beautiful. On my side, I will get you a scholarship you have always dreamed
of. And from now up to the university you don’t have ever to be troubled who
will pay for your education, or where your pocket money will come from. My
son. I have admired you since you were a child. I am sure you are
intelligent enough. Don’t refuse the holy father.”
There are some Kilimanjaro Mountain sized issues that one cannot digest
within a few seconds. I just nodded. He gave me a 50 USD note. In those
days, that was a hell lot of money for a O-level candidate to posses.
The same day, we walked home with the village queen from the church, and I
could hear jealous whispers from my peers.
The village queen promised me that I will be her one and only man. “I love
you. And sometimes back I confessed to the Holy Father that every night I
dream you are in my bed. He promised to help us, so long as we can let him
once in a while wet his beak,” she said. Men…..
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Today & always do what you can to make the world a better place